What does love actually feel like?
Love feels like a cocktail of happy chemicals (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin) flooding your brain, making the ordinary feel extraordinary, coupled with a deep sense of safety and wanting to protect the other person’s feelings like they were your own.
Are you more in love with the person, or how that person makes you feel about yourself? What would change if that person disappeared tomorrow?
Is it the feeling of floating every time you see a text from them? Do songs remind you of them? Are you always checking to see if they are online? Maybe all you can think about is how badly you want them to notice you. It can feel like you're living in a movie. A crush feels like the volume is turned way up. Love? That's a totally different feeling. Do you want to know what real love feels like?
Feelings of love feel amazing because your brain is flooded with chemicals. Dopamine and serotonin create happiness. Oxytocin creates bonding. A crush is like a quick hit of dopamine. Love is like a steady stream of oxytocin. Love also means a deep level of safety. You feel secure. You want to protect the other person's feelings. According to researcher Dr. Helen Fisher, crushes activate brain regions associated with reward, while love activates regions associated with long-term attachment. It's what is love really means.
Aisha, 16, in Mumbai, felt butterflies with Rohan. Aisha thought this was it, true love! Yet, as she got to know Rohan, Aisha realized she was more in love with the idea of him than the real him. Her friend, Javier, 17, in Madrid, experienced something different. Javier found a comfortable peace with Lucia. To him, it felt like coming home. He realized that love wasn't about the rollercoaster, but about the safe harbor.
If you are obsessing, try this self-talk script. Say this: "Right now, I am feeling an intense crush. This feeling is powerful. It is based on limited information. I am going to focus on the person I know exists. I'm not going to focus on the one I've built in my head." Then, find one real, imperfect thing you appreciate about them. Limit your social media stalking to 5 minutes a day. Write down 3 qualities you admire in yourself. Many people find this helps them come back to reality.
Love is more than just butterflies. Love is a safe and secure connection. It's wanting the best for someone. Even when it means letting go of your fantasy.
🤔 Which thinking lens(es) did you use?
Select all the lenses you used while thinking about this:
Common Questions
Emotionally, love feels like a deep connection. It means caring about their happiness. You feel safe and secure. You trust them with your feelings. You want to support their dreams. It's more than just excitement. Love symptoms include wanting the best for them.
A crush feels urgent and intense. Love feels stable and calm. A crush focuses on your feelings. Love focuses on their well-being. Think about it this way: When they're having a bad day, does your first thought go to how you can fix it, or how sad you feel that they're hurting? If it's the second one, that's love.
Not exactly. A little nervousness is normal. Constant anxiety is a warning sign. Love should bring you peace. If you feel anxious all the time, something is wrong. It could be the relationship. It could be something else you need to address.
Butterflies come from adrenaline. Adrenaline is released when you're excited or nervous. It's a sign of attraction and anticipation. Butterflies don't always equal love, though. Butterflies are a sign of strong feelings. But strong feelings don't always last.
Really being in love means you see the person clearly. You accept their flaws. You still care deeply for them. It is not based on a fantasy. It's based on reality. You care about their happiness, even when it's not tied to you.
First, you want to spend all your time with them. Second, you find yourself thinking about them constantly. Third, you start to see the world differently. Fourth, you genuinely want to know everything about them. A friend named Daniel once said, "I knew I was falling in love when I started caring more about her coffee order than my own."
To be truly loved feels like being completely accepted. You can be yourself. You don't have to pretend. You feel safe, valued, and cherished. You know, deep down, they've got your back. Their actions match their words.
Unrequited love hurts. Acknowledge the pain. Allow yourself to grieve. Don't dwell on what could have been. Instead, shift your energy. Write down three qualities you admire about yourself. Remind yourself that you deserve someone who loves you back. The Attachment Project recommends focusing on self-compassion during this time.