What do we even talk about when it's just us two?
Try 'Would you rather?' questions, but make them *super* specific to your shared memories, inside jokes, or current obsessions. Like, 'Would you rather only be able to communicate in cat memes or have to sing everything you say?'
What's a small, slightly embarrassing thing you could share with your friend that shows you trust them?
Ever feel like you're on the bench? Watching everyone else have amazing conversations while you're stuck in awkward silence with a friend? Like you're just...there. Maybe conversation flows in a group, but one-on-one? Crickets. It feels like pulling teeth to find topics to talk about with friends. You want to connect, to laugh, to have those deep talks, but the words just won't come. It's a lonely feeling. What if it doesn't have to be this way?
Many friendships start from utility. You're in the same class, on the same team, or live in the same neighborhood. Hanging out is convenient, not intentional. But friendships deepen through ritual. That means making time together mean something. Sharing experiences only you two understand creates a secret world. It's like having your own language of inside jokes and shared memories. According to a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, couples who engage in shared activities report higher relationship satisfaction. The same applies to friendships!
Aisha, 17, in Mumbai, felt this way about her friend group. In group settings, Aisha was bubbly. But when it was just her and Priya, their conversation felt stiff and forced. She worried Priya found her boring. Growing up, Aisha's family emphasized being polite and not speaking out of turn. This made it hard for Aisha to be spontaneous with her friend, even when she had a lot to say.
Contrast this with Mateo, 16, in Barcelona. Mateo's family is loud and expressive. But, around his more reserved friend, he worries about overwhelming him. Both Aisha and Mateo care about their friends. They are just unsure how to connect in a way that feels natural.
Create an inside joke. Next time you're hanging out, say something slightly absurd or unexpected. If your friend laughs, refer back to it later. Make it your thing. Say this: "[Remember that time we saw that guy wearing socks with sandals at the mall? We should make that our code for 'never do that'.]"
- Ask "Would you rather?" questions that are specific to your shared memories or current obsessions.
- When you're bored, look around. Ask your friend what they think the story is behind the cashier or the person walking down the street.
When you try this, you'll start building a library of shared moments. You will have things to talk about with each other even when nothing is going on.
Friendship is built one inside joke at a time. Start small, be a little weird, and create shared experiences. The goal: make your time together feel different from time spent with anyone else.
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Common Questions
Try 'Would you rather?' questions, but make them super specific. For example: 'Would you rather only be able to communicate in cat memes or have to sing everything you say?' Get silly and specific to what you both enjoy. This can lead to hilarious and engaging conversations.
Think of conversations like throwing a ball. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a 'yes' or 'no' answer. Then, really listen to the response. Pick out a detail and ask a follow-up question about that. For example, if your friend says, "I went to the beach," don't just say "Cool." Ask, "What was the best part about being at the beach?"
Talk about anything! Your fears, your dreams, the cute barista at the coffee shop. A best friend is someone with whom you can be 100% yourself. This means sharing the silly, the serious, and everything in between.
Small talk is about finding common ground. Comment on your surroundings. If you're at school, ask about a class. If you're at a party, ask how they know the host. Then, listen for clues to dive deeper. Example script: "This music is great! Have you heard this band before?"
Deep conversations come from a place of trust. So, start small. Ask your friend about their biggest fear or their proudest moment. Be vulnerable and share something about yourself, too. Listen without judgment. This can create a space for deeper connection.
Interesting conversations often start with a shared experience. If you both watched the same movie, discuss your favorite scenes or characters. If you're both into a certain hobby, share new tips or tricks you've learned. The key is to find something you both find engaging. I read in Psychology Today that shared interest is one of the best predictors of relationship success.
Awkward silences happen. Do not panic! Have a few go-to questions in mind. For example, 'What's the most interesting thing that happened to you this week?' Keep it light and fun. The goal is to break the tension, not to interrogate your friend.
Friendship should be a two-way street. If you're always initiating conversation, it's fair to feel unappreciated. Test the reciprocity. Share a small vulnerability. See if your friend responds with empathy or shares something in return. If not, it might be time to re-evaluate the friendship. Does your friend match your energy?