What do I do when a video call just feels awkward?
Instead of trying to force conversation, play a simple 'I Spy' game focused on their room. It gives them something to show you and talk about without pressure, and you get a peek into their world.
What small, playful thing can you add to your next call that will make it feel more like a game than a performance? What are you willing to give up?
That empty feeling after an awkward video call. Your grandchild's eyes glaze over. Toys become more interesting than your stories. You feel like you're performing for an audience of one, and the show is bombing. The silence stretches, punctuated only by forced smiles. You long for the days of easy chatter and shared laughter. Video calls feel like a chore, not a connection. What if the screen is a barrier, not a bridge?
There is more to discover.
Video calls demand constant attention. Young kids aren't built for that. A child's attention span is roughly their age plus one or two minutes. So, a four-year-old might only focus for five or six minutes. Zoom call awkwardness often stems from mismatched expectations. You expect a conversation; they experience a demand on their attention. Plus, video calls lack the sensory richness of in-person visits. There are no hugs, no shared smells, no spontaneous games. According to a 2020 study by the American Academy of Pediatrics, children under five need real-world interactions to develop social skills.
Aisha, 68, of Mumbai, describes her video calls with her grandkids as "one-sided performances." She prepares stories and songs, but her grandkids often wander off-screen. Aisha feels disheartened, questioning if she's losing her connection. On the other side of the world, 72-year-old Robert in Montana faces a similar challenge. His grandkids are glued to their tablets during video calls. Instead of trying to compete, Robert now uses the calls to learn about their favorite games and shows. Then he asks smart questions and listens.
Make the awkward online meeting into something playful. This week, turn the next call into a game. Instead of asking direct questions, try a simple 'I Spy' game focused on their room. 'I spy something… blue!' It gives them something to show you and talk about without pressure.
Say this: 'I spy something that starts with the letter B!'
Other moves to make:
- Send a short video message between calls.
- Ask the parent for a list of the child's favorite toys or activities.
When you make it about play, the pressure drops. You'll find that the forced feeling starts to fade.
Video calls don't have to feel forced. Grandkids have short attention spans. Turn screen time into game time and the uncomfortable video chat will start to disappear.
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Select all the lenses you used while thinking about this:
Common Questions
Lower your expectations. A video call is not the same as an in-person visit. Accept that short attention spans and distractions are normal. Focus on small moments of connection instead of trying to force a long conversation.
Talk about what they are interested in. Ask the parent beforehand what the child is currently obsessed with. If it’s dinosaurs, ask about their favorite dinosaur. If it's a TV show, ask about the characters. Show genuine interest, even if you don't fully understand it. Bring your own dinosaur or tv show to the call.
Embrace the silence. Not every moment needs to be filled with words. Do a silly dance. Make a funny face. Ask them to teach you a TikTok dance. Sometimes, just being present and available is enough.
Start with something visual. Show them a photo from your past. It could be a picture of you as a child, a picture of their parent when they were little, or a photo of a pet. Say, 'Look who this is! Can you guess?' This gives them something concrete to react to and sparks curiosity.
Use props! Hold up a favorite book and read a page. Show them a collection of rocks or stamps. Get silly with costumes, hats, or puppets. Anything that adds visual interest can capture their attention.
The Connection Cadence Framework is key. Don't rely only on video calls. Send a postcard or a small gift between calls. Create a shared photo album online. These small gestures keep the connection alive and reduce the pressure on the video call to be perfect. Grandparents may send stickers or temporary tattoos in the mail and have grandkids put them on during the video call.
Respect their boundaries. Don't force it. Offer a low-pressure activity, like drawing together on a shared screen. If they still resist, end the call gracefully and try again later.
Use this script: 'I know you have a million things on your plate, and I'm so grateful for the moments we get. I was wondering if we could try to schedule a super-short 5-minute video call once a week, even if it's just to say hello? It would mean the world to me.'